Thoughts

I am looking toward the future and wonder what it will hold for me. I am uncertain of where I will be in a year or what I will be doing. I know that there is a plan for me, just not sure when the plan will begin; I am ready for the journey and I am ready for the path that is ahead.

????

Where is that path that was promised? Where are the kisses that would last? Where are the words of promises? Where did the pain in my heart come from? When did I allow the veil to fall? When did I grow into the person who I am and once turned from? Where is, when is, who is: who will fill in the heart and block the pain?

Seeking Me

There are some who have this great sense of self, who seek new ways of being or reconstructing themselves; I have a strong sense of self. However, I feel that my life is a salmon swimming up stream, living to be what I think I should be in this vast existence of self. I pine for those who I have or had in my life to see me. I am seeking the me that I project, I seek that self confidence that is me, and show to those who see over or around me that I am worth that second look.

In the Shadows

I find myself in the shadow. My life is passing by and I sit trying to move forward, but still stuck in the shadows. I reach for the light, but the light fades into the shadows of me. I want to see and feel the light, and to show that I am here. However, the shadows consume, they overwhelm, they are melding with the past, present, and future me. How long do I try to move from this forest of shadows, that are of people, things, and objects. What if the shadows are becoming me, or am I becoming the shadow.

Photography

This weekend I went to a great art show with S. We walked around looked a some great pieces and just out of the corner of my eye, I saw this great photo of an ancient Cambodian temple. I was going to buy this great piece after talking with the photographer. With great surprise, S, bought me this great limited print. This special photo was gifted to me by a very special person, I shall Cherish them both.

Noticed

Each day is a new awaking of me. A trait I always had but never noticed; a positive aspect of me. Me, for years I was running from, now I run towards. I am me, a person full of love, calm sweet, smart, and a glimpse of inner peace. I once built walls to protect, now I take the down and let in new light and insight. I am free to be me, free to find what else I have not noticed.

75th

Today is my father's 75th birthday. What he has witnessed in life and the stories he has, there are days when they are vivid and days when the cobwebs are too vast to remember. I wonder what goes on in his mind. 75 years, of pain, happy, sad, work, sleep,illness, and the loss of time. I wonder what my 75th birthday will be like. I wonder who, what and where and with whom I will be.

But Not Forgotten

I think, no matter where you stray,That I shall go with you a way.Though you may wander sweeter lands,You will not soon forget my hands,Nor yet the way I held my head,Nor all the tremulous things I said.You still will see me, small and white and smiling, in the secret night,And feel my arms about you when the day comes fluttering back again.I think, no matter where you be,You'll hold me in your memory and keep my image, there without me,By telling later loves about me.

Dorothy Parker

Chest Song

I dream at night of when I have my head on his chest and hear his heart. The night is still now, and the silence at times rings of his chest songs. He is with me and I miss him, but he is and always will sing in my ear. I am am here for him, I am here to hear his thoughts, feelings, and just to hear his silence and share the unsaid thoughts. He is my friend, and the one person who I hear his chest song.

Destiny

There is a destiny that makes us brothers, no one goes that way alone. All we bring to the lives of other, comes back into our own.

My Dad

Today I went to see my father at the nursing home. He was sleeping, as I looked over him, memories of my childhood filled my mind. I remember this strong, funny, and great man, now he is reduced to tremors and memory loss. The person who I once knew is no longer. The person I once was is forever changed. I look out the window to find a crisp, spring, sunny day; my father would have been outside planting his garden or getting the lawn mower ready for summer. A tear falls from my face, and the days of father son talks, are gone. The questions of how life is going and if I need money are locked in a dark past of what was. My father was a welcoming and giving man; all were welcome at his table and no one was ever treated differently. A man of contradiction is now a man lost in the world of dark shadows and time. I miss you dad, and I love you. Sleep well, push the shadows away and dream.

Search

When tomorrow comes what will it bring? Will it be winter or will it be spring? Will a prayer be answered? Will the sun rise for you? Will it be pleasure or will it be sorrow? We will have to Search for Tomorrow.

"Quotes"

"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. — Lyndon B. Johnson"

"The more people have in common, the better they do. - Anonymous"

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Oliver Wendell Holmes"

"It is not enough if you are busy. The question is, what are you busy about? - Henry David Thoreau"

In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. - Coco Chanel

One Person

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you just might be the world!"

Time

'The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time.For the clock may soon be still.'

Him

There is this sweet man that has entered my world since late 2008. He brings me joy and true self. He has allowed me to be me. He listens, he shares, he speaks with an ease. I love to look into his eyes and get lost into the world that is his. He sees me as I can not see myself. I feel comfortable with him, as if I have known him for years. He is the "Him" that I call Sexy.

Path to the True Me

Who?

I wonder at times how other view us. I know that we portray ourselves as what we like people to see us as, but do they see us as that portrayal? Why are we afraid to be ourselves? I understand that past events shape us and how we react to the situations. But why do we allow that self awaking monment to shape us into the portait of what we want to be, and just be.

Bird on a Wire

Bird on a Wire
Like a bird on a wire Like a drunk in a midnight choir I have tried in my way to be free. Like a fish on a hook Like a knight from an old fashioned book I have saved all my ribbons with thee. And if I have been unkind, I hope that you will just let it go by. And if I have been untrue I hope you know it was never to you. Like a baby stillborn. Like a beast with his horn, I have torn everyone who reached out for me. But I swear by this song By all I have done wrong I'll make it all up to you. I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch He called out to me " Don't ask for so much " And a young man leaning on his darkened door He cried out to me " Hey, why not ask for more "Like a bird on a wire Like a drunk in a midnight choir I have tried in my way to be free.

Auld Lang Syne

Dream as you have never have dreamt before. Love as you have never loved before. Give to others, yourself, and to those lost. Search, question, and seek new things, and along the way you shall find yourself. Receive graciously, and return in kindness. Respect yourself, and others will follow. Smile when you are mad, laugh when you are sad. Ring in 2009, and you should not forget the old acquaintance, for they may become the new friend that brings change to your mind.

Daily Commute

I am one who commutes to work via Metropolitan Rail. It amazes me that those to whom I commute with have not grasped the etiquette of rail commuting. There are some simple rules to follow; however, they never seem to be followed. So, I am going to play “Emily Post” and share with you the proper commuter train behavior.

· When getting on the train que up and wait your turn, we all will get on the train. I know we all have our favorite seats, but let us be civil about it. Allow women on first or those who need assistance. Once on the train, if you sit on the upper deck, sit every other seat. If the train is filling up, then fill all seats. Do not place your bags on the seats; they have baggage racks for those items.
· If you are traveling with children, please have your child or those in your care sit quietly. This should be always followed.
· When exiting the train, exit orderly; allow others in front t of you to exit first. If you are on the lower portion of the train, and you reach the stair case to the upper deck, allow those passengers off, it should be every other person.
· Please, no feet on the seats, if you drink and eat, take your garbage with you. This also applies to your newspapers.
· Please have your tickets and passes ready, especially on the upper deck. It is very disturbing to have someone on their cell phone or iPod and the Conductor is tapping his hole puncher on the base of the deck to get your attention.
· On the morning commute, from the earliest train until about 10am, do not talk loudly, or use the cell phone. This is time to gear up for the day and focus on work, or to get that extra well needed rest.
· Cell phones should be limited to quick conversations. We truly do not want to hear about Aunt Ida’s gallbladder surgery. Nor do we want to hear about your business dealings, save that for the office.
This is just the basics of commuter rail etiquette. If you follow these simple civilized rules your commute and those who travel with you will have a less stressful ride.